Mark is Johnny's best friend. They do everything together; play football, talk about girls, play more football, talk about Lisa, throw the football around, make love to Lisa (not at the same time), play football in the park, save Denny from oddly named drug dealers, play football in a tuxedo, but most importantly, be rampant misogynists.
- "Yeah, man, you'll never know. People are very strange these days. I used to know a girl; she had a dozen guys. One of them found out about it... beat her up so bad she ended up at a hospital on Guerrero Street."
- "Oh man, I just can't figure women out. Sometimes they're just too smart. Sometimes they're just flat-out stupid. Other times they're just evil."
- "You don't understand anything, man. Leave your stupid comments in your pocket!"
- "I mean the candles, the music, the sexy dress, I mean, what’s going on here?"